You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
