Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
