Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
