i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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