mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
