Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
