halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
