Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
