I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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