I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Randomize
