can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
