Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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