You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
