Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
