He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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