he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
