I just pynch a tree in the face
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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