I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Randomize
