So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
