summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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