There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
