I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
