im having a threesome with these popsicles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
