New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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