I CAN MOONWALK!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
