So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
