you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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