I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
