in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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