My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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