is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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