So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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