You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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