people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
