I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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