AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
