I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
