Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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