you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
