I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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