How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
