So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's never too late to be topless.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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