chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
