You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
