My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Randomize
