I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
