so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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