Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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