Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
The best revenge is premature balding
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
