what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
