so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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