some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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