yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
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