i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
